For Ptryxxx:

I fuckin' love Macs, but I hate these goddamn commercials.

Buncha FUD-suckers.

In other news, the Office was awesome last night, I have a cold, the Evangenitals may play Florida in June (7-11th), Brettsky and Georgie are bustin' ass trying to clean up/finish up the new album, we just got hooked up with a SnoCap music store on Myspace thanks to CD Baby, and we had to pass up an opportunity to play with Trainwreck because I'm going to be working at the International Lingerie Show in Las Vegas. Blasts!

Can't win 'em all, though we've been pretty lucky so far.

:-)

6 Degrees of Jack Black-a-Nation

So I finally Netflixed The Pick of Destiny a few weeks ago. Yes, I know, it's shameful that I hadn't seen it sooner, as I've been a huge Tenacious D fan ever since KevSlider turned me on to them during a crazed road trip back in '04.

Yes, I know, I was a Johnny-Come-Lately on the D-Train. Better late than never, eh?

Recent events have made me acutely aware that it is only a matter of time before I find my hand firmly placed in the palm of Jack Black looking him square in the eyes and saying, "It's mighty good to finally meet you, Sir." And I think that time is going to be soon.

The varied ways in which the cosmic paths of one J.B. (aka Jack Black) and one J.C. (aka Juli Crockett) have almost crossed are numerous:

For one thing, I have directed 3 plays at the 24th Street Theater, where Jack Black is on the Advisory Board.

What set me off tonight is that not only has my band, The Evangenitals, opened for KG's *other* band Trainwreck, but in addition to this I have just heard that in June The Evangenitals will be playing with Josh Haden at Mr T's Bowl.

For those of you not totally up on your Tenacious D trivia, Josh Haden (son of Charlie Haden) is the brother of Tanya Haden (of the Haden Triplets) who is the wife of Jack Black. HOW'S THAT FOR CONNECTIVITY???

Now, to top it all off, Evangenitals guitarist Brett Lyda's girlfriend Wanni is good friends with Kyle Gass and regularly plays poker with KG and JB. Backstage at a Tenacious D show, Brett and Wanni were kind enough to have this jolly fansign snapped for me:


And, as if we needed one more stitch in this blanket, Brettsky went to college with Tanya Haden, wife of Jack Black, mother of his progeny. No kidding.

So... will Tanya and Jack come to hear her brother play at the T's Bowl in June? Who knows! They MUST be close -- she is in Josh's TOP 4 on Myspace! The Evangenitals are expected to open for Trainwreck again in April. Will JB make a surprise appearance as he is sometimes known to do in the guise of Tuffy McFukelby.


All in all, it all sounds an awful lot like the trumpets of Destiny are heralding the day that JB and JC shall pump their fists in a mighty handshake the likes of which this world hath never witnessed. Until that day, I abide.

Check our the newest flier from The Rev. PtryXXX for the Bordello show this Wednesday night:


I must say, it is a very lucky band that gets to have their own resident flier designer, comic artist, and videographer to herald the exploits and adventures that they encounter on the wild road to super rock land... and that is exactly what the Evangenitals have in the form of one Patrick Ian Moore, hailing from Tulsa, Okahoma.

Also known as The Reverand PtryXXX of the SouperKlawBrazzz and Improv Monstas, Patrick and I go way back to the year 2000, when his best friend David Taylor was the Technical Director for my thesis project at CalArts [or, the whale] and his brother Andrew and I used to run around late at night taking too many diet pills and drinking gallons of Gatorade while broaming Compton listening to Power 106.

Now Dave is the Technical Director of Lincoln Center, Andrew is.. umm... "retired" in Missouri, and Ptryxxx lives in Los Angeles, California, USA and works in the same sex toy company as I do. How times do change!

Some things, however, don't change... such as, Ptryxxx and I were health-minded, hippie ass, vegan, yoga stretching, animal-loving mofos back then, and we've both gotten back to all that now. So there. Some things remain the same.

What's it all mean? Hell if I know. Just come on out to the show!

xo
julio

Holy Moly! Tony Gower is BACK!

Just look at this friggin' swank-ass club we are playing at on Wednesday March 14th!!

This is The Bordello, and it is owned by Tony Gower, former owner of the Derby in Los Feliz. In other words, this is the *new* supreme swank locale in Los Angeles, and were going to christen the stage with Evangenital sweat on Wednesday March 14th at 10pm!


(click for more pics)

The Bordello is lush, sexy, beautiful... a must-see joint. It's also about to become our new home base in LA... so let's have ourselves a housewarming/welcome home Tony party!

The Evangenitals will be playing with the Sundowners and Vermouth, who both sound like swank ass bands, so check 'em out and come on down.

That's a lot of funk for $5.

Click here to RSVP for the show on Myspace!

Come and look pretty for the video cameras. This one is sure to be YouTube GOLD!

*BREAKING NEWS* Evangenital lead singer Miss Julio Crockett was spotted exiting Aardvarks in Hollywood last weekend with a floor length red gown. Witnesses at the scene reported that allegedly she was overheard saying to her "tall male companion" that the dress was for "some show" she is playing in March at "some swank ass joint". More reports coming soon.

Don't worry. Brettsky didn't quit the band. He just has to pay his dues in Hollywood.

We will make him proud, and he will be back for the next waltz. :-)

Alright... so I'm a geek. But dammit, I get friggin' giddy as hell when a famous author whose work I respect the hell out of drops my name, and the Evangenitals name, as a band that he loves to get crazy to.

Check it out:

"For pure craziness, there are lots of other bands, including one that I can't write to but I've become a big fan; they're called the Evangenitals. They're from Los Angeles. One of the front singers is a former boxer-slash-philosopher. She's a fantastic singer. Her name is Juli Crockett."

Thank you, Colum McCann!

So, the back story to our association is that Colum was actually one of my professors my first year at The European Graduate School in Switzerland where I go every summer to work on my PhD in Philosophy. We had many deep conversations and stayed up late singing Evangenitals' songs and Irish classics with the hoodlums at the best damn theory camp in the Alps.

I even wrote a song about him, that a bunch of us geeks got together and hootenannied often. I'm trying to find a video of it that someone once sent me so I can post it. I know there's an audio recordin (bad quality) and I may throw it up online somewhere for the hell of it.

In the meantime, we may just have to revive the song and play it at the next Evangenitals show. It's a damn fine sing along, in the Irish tradition. February 11th - All Star Lanes - Bowling, Drinking, Evangenitals, Sing Alongs, Karoke. Be there.

You can read the full interview with Colum McCann here: http://www.powells.com/interviews/mccann.html

And buy his books while you're at it. They're friggin' amazing.

Man oh man... after this crazy week of recording new albums and trips to Vegas and back for the Buccaneer show, I figured that I'd let Kevin (the Duke of Alhambra) tell you about the show, since he put it so awesomely in his MySpace group, To All The Music Fans:

"Okay! I finally went out to a show that is worth talking about.

The band is called the Evangenitals.. The play folk rock.. The two female singers are amazing... Great vocal skills that blend into each other. The band itself was just in tune with each other. Their songs were fun and enjoyable, even if you find "FUCKING A SAILOR" offensive... The show never stopped to make you think "Do I want to leave now".. You start thinking " WOW WHAT IS GOING TO COME NEXT"!

Gasoline... Was great!
Drunken sailor... Was even better...
I can go on with each song, but they played new songs on their upcoming CD that I don't know the names of.

This is what I will love for you all to do, go to my friends list and add them. For one week go and add a song from their profile and enjoy. Just see how they make you feel.

Story:
To end I will like to tell a short story of how great they are from last night...

There was this one drunk woman at the bar, with high heels that kept lighting up as she walked. During the show she was at the bar talking very loud to the bartender.. telling him how much she loved him. She would get up and walk through the crowd to go to the restroom, but bumped into everyone on the way... did I put she was drunk?

During one of the fast pace hard moving songs of the night (*it was our cover of the Velvet Underground's Heroin... in the midst of our infamous "Medley") this drunk woman got off her chair and was walking towards the restroom, which you have to pass by the band's stage. She walked up to one of the two singers and started to grab the mic from her.. The singer, sorry that I forgot your name, was FUCKEN AMAZING! (*that would have been me, and I am still reeling from my first totally 80's heavy metal fan on-stage make-out moment) With out missing a step she held on to the mic, kept singer the song (in its fast pace) and had the drunk woman in Aww... She didn't let the moment fall apart. She, the singer, was there to put on a show and not stop... in which she did. After the song the drunk woman started to hug the singer and kiss her.. (*tongue kiss, people!) After the song the band just smiled and stared a new song. (*the transition back into Bad Company's Feel Like Makin' Love) The drunk woman went to the restroom and back to her chair at the bar. (*her name was Willow, and it was her birthday. I'm pretty sure she will be appearing in an EvangeniTales comic very, very soon.)

If you see any bands this year this is the one that will not want to miss! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO and see EVANGENITALS."

Thank you, Kevin, for that glowing show review. That was an awesome tidbit to wake up to! For more show reviews and music discussion, here's the link again to Kevin's Myspace group: To All The Music Fans.

Sex, More Sex, and Rock n Roll. That's what the next week is all about for me....

This past week, however, was all about the Evangenitals. God bless 'em.

On Friday night, we stepped into Del Boca Vista studio with Blair Lamb and started laying down tracks for the long-awaited album #2 (as yet untitled, but it's going to have a great cover photo, guaranteed). Brett Lyda, George Bernardo, Lisa Dee, Geoff Brandin, Bryan Landers, and me, Juli Crockett, were in it for the long haul: Friday night, all day Saturday and most of Sunday. When all was said and done, we came out of the session with 20 TRACKS snuck inside of Brettsky's external drive, which he whisked back to his crib and immediately started tweaking toward perfection.

He couldn't tweak long, however, because the Genitals had to head out to Beverly Hills on Monday night, with our videographer Patrick Ian Moore and manager/caretaker Wanni Yu in tow, for a radio appearance on "The Hollywood Pitch with John Griffiths". There we discussed, for an hour on talk radio, the "special sheen" that is the Evangenitals.

They played a couple tunes on air, The Work Song, and a special sneak preview world premier track off the upcoming record (the Evangina number Time To Go). Ptryxxx caught the whole thing on video, and I'm going to try to get it up on YouTube tonight, before I fly off to Vegas in the morning.

That's right... Vegas, baby! Tomorrow I'm off to the AVN show in Las Vegas, to do my "day job" gig in Pornoland. Do not fret! I'm flying back for the gig on Saturday night, of course. We're gonna tear it up with Ukefink, and I wouldn't miss that for the world. However, on Monday morning I'm flying BACK to Vegas for ANOTHER Pornoland conference at Mandalay Bay! Woo de wooooo!

With all this recording, radio interviewing, adult industry schmoozing, flying back and forth from Vegas, and playing a gig at the super cool Pirate dive bar The Buccaneer, I'm kinda swimming in the pseudo up-and-coming rock-star super-energy glow right now. It's a beautiful thing.

Thanks to all who called in to the radio show. It made us look really friggin' cool, to have the "most call-ins in the history of the show", and it all made us feel really loved. You guys are awesome.

xo
julio

At Eliot & Jain Sekular's annual Christmas party on Christmas Eve, Lisa Deedle and I were asked to play some music, as we are asked to do at every Sekular-house party. It pretty much just isn't Christmas if we don't play their legendary Christmas party, which features the most amazing tamales ever cooked by human hands.

Lisa and I were taking requests from the party-going crowd, and we ended up playing a nice little acoustic set of Evangenitals and Evangina tunes... mostly sing-along/play-along's like Home, Diggin' It, Not Quiet There, Sun is Shining. The final request for the evening, however, was Hey Ya.

Back in 2004, during Grammy night, we were half having band practice in preparation for the open mic at Mr T's Bowl while half watch the Grammys. Outkast was on, performing their hit song, when Brettsky began to chunk it out on guitar. We all began playing and singing, and it was revealed that I, Juli Crockett, happened to know ALL of the lyrics to that catchy-ass tune.

A series of "double dog dares" were issued, as to whether or not we had the balls to play the tune at the open mic that night. As you might imagine, when it comes to the Evangenitals, we are never short on balls. ;-)

Then something miraculous happened. I started playing the song at about 1/18th the normal speed, and soulfully singing Andre's surprisingly heartbreaking and passionate lyrics. An instant classic was born.

We performed BOTH versions, fast and slow, at a show at El Cid in the summer of 2004. That show was recorded by our dear friend Joey Ninja (from Ninja Academy) and the slow version is currently our most downloaded tune on iTunes. That is the genesis of the Evangenitals version of Hey Ya, loving called... "Hey Ya'll"

Why am I telling you all this? Well, because I just discovered another gent who is singing the tune in the slow and low tempo, and at this moment in time, he's a lot more popular than we are. Perhaps I'm feeling the need to assert my turf? A little tinge of cover-song envy? I don't know. Maybe this is the proverbial Tipping Point for the Evangenitals. The moment when a million people start searching for "that awesome cover version of Hey Ya" and instead of finding Matt Weddle of Obadiah Parker, they find the Evangenitals.

Miracles do happen. And I have a feeling that 2007 is going to be the year of the Genitals. Can you feel it?

So, long story short, after seeing all the hub-bub going on surrounding the Matt Weddle version, I laid down on track with some moving action titles telling a little bit of the Evangenitals tale, and I loaded it on You Tube as a video response.

Please go see it, rate it, favorite it, show it love, send it to your friends, etc:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RAL_NsDYd0

With any luck, our version will get as much love as Weddle's. :-)

Regardless, I love you. All of you.

xo
julio

Last night I had visions, just before falling asleep, of a heroic/propagandic solider, perhaps german or russian. he wore a big furry white coat, decorated with medallions, a big black hat, and was being filmed/viewed from a low angle, to make him appear all the more grand and heroic, and i found myself thinking that this must have been filmed/was being filmed by leni riefenstahl.

the strange detail of the scene was that the epic soldier had an orange for a head, with two little gold pins for eyes.

it was like some insane collaboration betwixt riefenstahl and tim burton.

i'm going to try to paint it, because it was awesome. on second thought, i think i'm going to have P-TryXXX paint it, because i suck at painting anything accurately. :-)

On the Boots of My Best Friend

(from the comments of one of our YouTube videos)

"Lisa's boots are the bee's knees. Her fashion sense is legendary... cutting edge... always ahead of her time. Designers in France are biting their fingernails waiting and wondering what her next haircut challenge will be. It's an international phenom. Believe it."

:-)

Regarding the Benefit for Shelly Rohe, who goes in for brain surgery on Thursday, but was shaking her tailfeathers tonight :

Ok, now I will admit that I'm a little bummed that I didn't win the autographed headshot of the Mom from ET... nor did I win the Neutrogena gift basket in the raffle. In fact, I didn't win anything, but I have long since come to peace with the fact that I just don't really have that kind of luck. Not since I won a couple of shockingly awesome treasures as a child. But that is not the point...

The point IS that the benefit for Shelly was a beautiful thing to be a part of, and I'm so glad I made it out to Santa Monica support her and here Jeremy Zuckerman's band Cousin Junebug play.

Cousin Junebug was funkalicious, and it's official, they will certainly be playing with the Genitals sometime in '07. I was surprised to find that Mike Ibarra's trio, El Haru Kuroi, was a last minute addition to the evenings entertainment, and that was friggin' awesome. It had been a long while since I'd seen them perform, and they had some smooth new tunes to offer the West Side, straight outta the East LA compound.

Ibarra, Zuckerman, and I briefly discussed possibilities for our next big theatrical opus, now that we are all generally sufficiently recovered from Orpheus and Eurydice at REDCAT. More details coming soon.

All in all, the whole thing left me feeling pretty darn good. We had a group, non-denominational meditation session for Shelly, sending her our collective good energy as she goes into surgery, and for a second all was right with the world.

I wrote a Haiku for Shelly on her big 'ol card that she's taking to the hospital with her. It read:

Oh lovely Shelly
When your lovely brain is healed
Call me and let's play!

I am now gonna make some tea, take a bath, say a prayer for Shelly and all living things while I'm at it, and go to bed. Gotta rest up for band practice and the big rock show on Friday night.

This Friday December 15th We, the Evangenitals will be playing our last
show of 2006 at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena.

I would very much like you to be there, if you can. There are many
reasons for this. I will list them, and you can pick whichever you
like, put it in your pocket, and come see the show.

1. This is the last Evangenitals show of '06.
(see explanation above)

2. The last show was so friggin' dope, and this one is gonna be even
better.
Need proof? Watch this video from the last show. If you were AT the
last show (Kent, Leslie, Sharon, Alan, Joseph, Eliot etc) you may find
yourself IN the video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xdZjSq-ydA

3. This is a fundraiser for our next album.
In January we will be hitting the studio to lay down tracks for all
your new, favorite songs that weren't on the first album. Like Fuck
'em All. So if you have wanted a recording of Fuck 'em All, come to
the show, and we will be able to make you one in January. We need
$600 to pull this off, and all proceed from the show go toward the
new album.

4. Because we love you.
We really do. Always have, always will. Seriously.

5. The "Super-Deluxe Medley of Cover Songs".
I'm not kidding. This medley will blow your mind, and you can only
hear it live, this time, while we've got the Holiday Balls to go
through with it.

6. We (10:15pm) are playing with the Natural Disasters (9:30pm) and
the Purple Gang (11:15pm) which means we have the musical spectrum
covered, from punk rock to blues to hillbilly soul to psychedelic
rock to 50's doo wop. We got it. Come n' get it.

7. There will be press coverage, celebrity photographs, and we need
your sexy faces to come make us look good. Video interviews.
Paparazzi, baby. This is Hollywoodland. Put your face on and be
seen.

If none of these reasons prove sufficient to encourage your presence
at this epic show, (or if you happen to be in another state, which is
a decent excuse) please at a minimum send us your good, supportive
thoughts and prayers.

And please be sure to check out ALL the new Evangenitals videos on
YouTube, and don't forget to leave us some comments!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xdZjSq-ydA

The Evangenitals & Friends
Holiday Hoe-Down
Old Towne Pub Pasadena
66 N Fair Oaks Ave
Pasadena, CA 91103
Price: $5
9:30pm Natural Disasters
10:15pm Evangenitals
11:15pm The Purple Gang

All my lovin'
Juli Crockett
The Evangenitals
http://www.evangenitals.com

Hello Friends.

This is a video capturing an epic occurence that I'd like to share with you. It shows me, Juli Crockett, and my band, The Evangenitals performing at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena. Caught on this tape is the moment where I, Juli Crockett, first performed an Evangenitals song STANDING UP on stage, rather than safely seated in a chair.

It was disorienting, frightening, and totally awesome. I would very much like to do more of it, as you may note that I could use a little practice.

p.s
I'm not drunk in this video... I'm just gaining my sea legs. ;-)

Please have a look, and leave us a comment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xdZjSq-ydA

Whenever I'm feeling blue and need a little pick me up...

Whenever I feel like I haven't got the energy to keep on keeping on...

Whenever I begin to question my "artistic path" or my "acheivements" or the "value" of my so-called "life"...


I just go here and suddenly...


I AM MIGHTY!

Cheesy as it is... it never fails to make me feel kinda inspired. Maybe it's the sound track.

If you need me to make one for you, I'd be happy to. :-)

I, Juli Crockett of the Evangenitals, made this little 30 second video for a Transdermal Celebration video proposal for Ween. Though it didn't get picked (they made a crazy animated one instead) I do still get to enjoy this little golden nugget of a good time that was caught on tape.

Pee in my pants.

That's what this picture makes me want to do.

Kyle Gass of Tenacious D & Trainwreck fame, posing with my band sticker. Aww yeah, man. We Arr The Evangenitals!

Hi. This is Juli from the Evangenitals. How have you been? Please
let me know, because I'm never sure if you are reading this blog or not.

I hope you've been well. More than well. I hope you're seeing
rainbows with your eyes open and closed. If you're not, maybe I can
help you with that.

Now, I'm not one to usually go for the hard sell, as I'm a much
bigger fan of soft candy. HOWEVER, when the situation so requires, I
am willing to pull out the bells and whistles and do a little tap
dance for "the cause" so... here we go!

This Friday Night, November 17th at Old Towne Pub (formerly the Loch
Ness) the Evangenitals are pullin' out the stops (that means
No-Holds-Barred Evangenital Action) at 10pm. And you can be a part
of it for just $5.

The stylish show flier by our Resident Flier Designer Patrick Ian
Moore can be viewed here:
http://www.evangenitals.com/images/hugeevangenitalsptryxxxpubfl.jpg

That's right, we're Getting Naked (spiritually speaking), lettin'
down our hair, trying some new things, re-visioning some old, and
celebrating drummer GEORGE BERNARDO's Birthday. And friggin' Ninja
Academy is playing with us. That's awesome!

The Evangenitals, for this show, will consist of Juli Crockett, Brett
Lyda, Lisa Dee, and George Bernardo, as usual, with Geof Brandin on
the bass and Bryan Landers giving it to you good on the Pedal Steel
and Electric Banjo. I'd say it's worth seeing all that squeezed onto
the small stage of the Old Towne Pub.

Did I mention that it's only $5 (that's FIVE DOLLARS. 500 pennies.
Only 20 quarters. you see what I'm saying?)

The Full Line Up:
9pm Marty West and the Lower Companions
10pm The Evangenitals(tm)
11pm Ninja Academy
12pm SPECIAL SECRET SHOW. We ain't tellin'. You just gotta be there
to see it.

In other news, have you ever found yourself asking who are the
Evangenitals REALLY are? Off the stage... out of the bright lights
of dingy bars? Well NOW YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF!

This just in! Exclusive "Rehearsal Footage" of the Evangenitals, at
ease:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoMcAXmLaDg

Watching this video may actually give you some hints as to what tunes
may be appearing in our Old Towne Pub set, so check it out!

Much Love,
Juli & the Genitals
http://www.evangenitals.com

Evangina hit the polls at the Pillar of Fire in Highland Park and snapped this ACTION BROOM pic for the collection over at MichaelMoore.com!



How did your voting day go, people? How's the tide gonna turn now?

Mark my words... when I get back from Berlin I am going to post some of the most ridiculous cam phone pictures ever taken by two hands, one thumb, and an eye ball.

Word to your mutter.