Thursday, December 28, 2006

At Eliot & Jain Sekular's annual Christmas party on Christmas Eve, Lisa Deedle and I were asked to play some music, as we are asked to do at every Sekular-house party. It pretty much just isn't Christmas if we don't play their legendary Christmas party, which features the most amazing tamales ever cooked by human hands.

Lisa and I were taking requests from the party-going crowd, and we ended up playing a nice little acoustic set of Evangenitals and Evangina tunes... mostly sing-along/play-along's like Home, Diggin' It, Not Quiet There, Sun is Shining. The final request for the evening, however, was Hey Ya.

Back in 2004, during Grammy night, we were half having band practice in preparation for the open mic at Mr T's Bowl while half watch the Grammys. Outkast was on, performing their hit song, when Brettsky began to chunk it out on guitar. We all began playing and singing, and it was revealed that I, Juli Crockett, happened to know ALL of the lyrics to that catchy-ass tune.

A series of "double dog dares" were issued, as to whether or not we had the balls to play the tune at the open mic that night. As you might imagine, when it comes to the Evangenitals, we are never short on balls. ;-)

Then something miraculous happened. I started playing the song at about 1/18th the normal speed, and soulfully singing Andre's surprisingly heartbreaking and passionate lyrics. An instant classic was born.

We performed BOTH versions, fast and slow, at a show at El Cid in the summer of 2004. That show was recorded by our dear friend Joey Ninja (from Ninja Academy) and the slow version is currently our most downloaded tune on iTunes. That is the genesis of the Evangenitals version of Hey Ya, loving called... "Hey Ya'll"

Why am I telling you all this? Well, because I just discovered another gent who is singing the tune in the slow and low tempo, and at this moment in time, he's a lot more popular than we are. Perhaps I'm feeling the need to assert my turf? A little tinge of cover-song envy? I don't know. Maybe this is the proverbial Tipping Point for the Evangenitals. The moment when a million people start searching for "that awesome cover version of Hey Ya" and instead of finding Matt Weddle of Obadiah Parker, they find the Evangenitals.

Miracles do happen. And I have a feeling that 2007 is going to be the year of the Genitals. Can you feel it?

So, long story short, after seeing all the hub-bub going on surrounding the Matt Weddle version, I laid down on track with some moving action titles telling a little bit of the Evangenitals tale, and I loaded it on You Tube as a video response.

Please go see it, rate it, favorite it, show it love, send it to your friends, etc:

With any luck, our version will get as much love as Weddle's. :-)

Regardless, I love you. All of you.


Friday, December 22, 2006

Last night I had visions, just before falling asleep, of a heroic/propagandic solider, perhaps german or russian. he wore a big furry white coat, decorated with medallions, a big black hat, and was being filmed/viewed from a low angle, to make him appear all the more grand and heroic, and i found myself thinking that this must have been filmed/was being filmed by leni riefenstahl.

the strange detail of the scene was that the epic soldier had an orange for a head, with two little gold pins for eyes.

it was like some insane collaboration betwixt riefenstahl and tim burton.

i'm going to try to paint it, because it was awesome. on second thought, i think i'm going to have P-TryXXX paint it, because i suck at painting anything accurately. :-)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

On the Boots of My Best Friend

(from the comments of one of our YouTube videos)

"Lisa's boots are the bee's knees. Her fashion sense is legendary... cutting edge... always ahead of her time. Designers in France are biting their fingernails waiting and wondering what her next haircut challenge will be. It's an international phenom. Believe it."


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Regarding the Benefit for Shelly Rohe, who goes in for brain surgery on Thursday, but was shaking her tailfeathers tonight :

Ok, now I will admit that I'm a little bummed that I didn't win the autographed headshot of the Mom from ET... nor did I win the Neutrogena gift basket in the raffle. In fact, I didn't win anything, but I have long since come to peace with the fact that I just don't really have that kind of luck. Not since I won a couple of shockingly awesome treasures as a child. But that is not the point...

The point IS that the benefit for Shelly was a beautiful thing to be a part of, and I'm so glad I made it out to Santa Monica support her and here Jeremy Zuckerman's band Cousin Junebug play.

Cousin Junebug was funkalicious, and it's official, they will certainly be playing with the Genitals sometime in '07. I was surprised to find that Mike Ibarra's trio, El Haru Kuroi, was a last minute addition to the evenings entertainment, and that was friggin' awesome. It had been a long while since I'd seen them perform, and they had some smooth new tunes to offer the West Side, straight outta the East LA compound.

Ibarra, Zuckerman, and I briefly discussed possibilities for our next big theatrical opus, now that we are all generally sufficiently recovered from Orpheus and Eurydice at REDCAT. More details coming soon.

All in all, the whole thing left me feeling pretty darn good. We had a group, non-denominational meditation session for Shelly, sending her our collective good energy as she goes into surgery, and for a second all was right with the world.

I wrote a Haiku for Shelly on her big 'ol card that she's taking to the hospital with her. It read:

Oh lovely Shelly
When your lovely brain is healed
Call me and let's play!

I am now gonna make some tea, take a bath, say a prayer for Shelly and all living things while I'm at it, and go to bed. Gotta rest up for band practice and the big rock show on Friday night.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

This Friday December 15th We, the Evangenitals will be playing our last
show of 2006 at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena.

I would very much like you to be there, if you can. There are many
reasons for this. I will list them, and you can pick whichever you
like, put it in your pocket, and come see the show.

1. This is the last Evangenitals show of '06.
(see explanation above)

2. The last show was so friggin' dope, and this one is gonna be even
Need proof? Watch this video from the last show. If you were AT the
last show (Kent, Leslie, Sharon, Alan, Joseph, Eliot etc) you may find
yourself IN the video!

3. This is a fundraiser for our next album.
In January we will be hitting the studio to lay down tracks for all
your new, favorite songs that weren't on the first album. Like Fuck
'em All. So if you have wanted a recording of Fuck 'em All, come to
the show, and we will be able to make you one in January. We need
$600 to pull this off, and all proceed from the show go toward the
new album.

4. Because we love you.
We really do. Always have, always will. Seriously.

5. The "Super-Deluxe Medley of Cover Songs".
I'm not kidding. This medley will blow your mind, and you can only
hear it live, this time, while we've got the Holiday Balls to go
through with it.

6. We (10:15pm) are playing with the Natural Disasters (9:30pm) and
the Purple Gang (11:15pm) which means we have the musical spectrum
covered, from punk rock to blues to hillbilly soul to psychedelic
rock to 50's doo wop. We got it. Come n' get it.

7. There will be press coverage, celebrity photographs, and we need
your sexy faces to come make us look good. Video interviews.
Paparazzi, baby. This is Hollywoodland. Put your face on and be

If none of these reasons prove sufficient to encourage your presence
at this epic show, (or if you happen to be in another state, which is
a decent excuse) please at a minimum send us your good, supportive
thoughts and prayers.

And please be sure to check out ALL the new Evangenitals videos on
YouTube, and don't forget to leave us some comments!

The Evangenitals & Friends
Holiday Hoe-Down
Old Towne Pub Pasadena
66 N Fair Oaks Ave
Pasadena, CA 91103
Price: $5
9:30pm Natural Disasters
10:15pm Evangenitals
11:15pm The Purple Gang

All my lovin'
Juli Crockett
The Evangenitals

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Hello Friends.

This is a video capturing an epic occurence that I'd like to share with you. It shows me, Juli Crockett, and my band, The Evangenitals performing at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena. Caught on this tape is the moment where I, Juli Crockett, first performed an Evangenitals song STANDING UP on stage, rather than safely seated in a chair.

It was disorienting, frightening, and totally awesome. I would very much like to do more of it, as you may note that I could use a little practice.

I'm not drunk in this video... I'm just gaining my sea legs. ;-)

Please have a look, and leave us a comment:

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Whenever I'm feeling blue and need a little pick me up...

Whenever I feel like I haven't got the energy to keep on keeping on...

Whenever I begin to question my "artistic path" or my "acheivements" or the "value" of my so-called "life"...

I just go here and suddenly...


Cheesy as it is... it never fails to make me feel kinda inspired. Maybe it's the sound track.

If you need me to make one for you, I'd be happy to. :-)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I, Juli Crockett of the Evangenitals, made this little 30 second video for a Transdermal Celebration video proposal for Ween. Though it didn't get picked (they made a crazy animated one instead) I do still get to enjoy this little golden nugget of a good time that was caught on tape.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Pee in my pants.

That's what this picture makes me want to do.

Kyle Gass of Tenacious D & Trainwreck fame, posing with my band sticker. Aww yeah, man. We Arr The Evangenitals!


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Hi. This is Juli from the Evangenitals. How have you been? Please
let me know, because I'm never sure if you are reading this blog or not.

I hope you've been well. More than well. I hope you're seeing
rainbows with your eyes open and closed. If you're not, maybe I can
help you with that.

Now, I'm not one to usually go for the hard sell, as I'm a much
bigger fan of soft candy. HOWEVER, when the situation so requires, I
am willing to pull out the bells and whistles and do a little tap
dance for "the cause" so... here we go!

This Friday Night, November 17th at Old Towne Pub (formerly the Loch
Ness) the Evangenitals are pullin' out the stops (that means
No-Holds-Barred Evangenital Action) at 10pm. And you can be a part
of it for just $5.

The stylish show flier by our Resident Flier Designer Patrick Ian
Moore can be viewed here:

That's right, we're Getting Naked (spiritually speaking), lettin'
down our hair, trying some new things, re-visioning some old, and
celebrating drummer GEORGE BERNARDO's Birthday. And friggin' Ninja
Academy is playing with us. That's awesome!

The Evangenitals, for this show, will consist of Juli Crockett, Brett
Lyda, Lisa Dee, and George Bernardo, as usual, with Geof Brandin on
the bass and Bryan Landers giving it to you good on the Pedal Steel
and Electric Banjo. I'd say it's worth seeing all that squeezed onto
the small stage of the Old Towne Pub.

Did I mention that it's only $5 (that's FIVE DOLLARS. 500 pennies.
Only 20 quarters. you see what I'm saying?)

The Full Line Up:
9pm Marty West and the Lower Companions
10pm The Evangenitals(tm)
11pm Ninja Academy
12pm SPECIAL SECRET SHOW. We ain't tellin'. You just gotta be there
to see it.

In other news, have you ever found yourself asking who are the
Evangenitals REALLY are? Off the stage... out of the bright lights
of dingy bars? Well NOW YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF!

This just in! Exclusive "Rehearsal Footage" of the Evangenitals, at

Watching this video may actually give you some hints as to what tunes
may be appearing in our Old Towne Pub set, so check it out!

Much Love,
Juli & the Genitals

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Evangina hit the polls at the Pillar of Fire in Highland Park and snapped this ACTION BROOM pic for the collection over at!

How did your voting day go, people? How's the tide gonna turn now?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Mark my words... when I get back from Berlin I am going to post some of the most ridiculous cam phone pictures ever taken by two hands, one thumb, and an eye ball.

Word to your mutter.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

For the love of all things good in the world, please register to walk with us, TEAM EVANGENITALS, in the AIDS Walk Los Angeles on October 15th!

We need at least 20 walkers on our team to qualify for our very own Team Meeting Station, and gad'dangit... we want TEAM EVANGENITALS to be a spectacular demonstration of Evangelistic Genital Joy on this day!

It costs nothing but a few hours of your time to walk with us, so please SIGN UP HERE!

If you can't make it and you'd like to make a donation to the cause, you can do so on the so RIGHT HERE.

Juli C & Lisa Dee



Wednesday, October 4

In order to qualify for a Team Meeting Station at the AIDS Walk you need to have at least 20 walkers registered on your team by this coming Wednesday, October 4 at NOON. A Team Meeting Station is a table with your team name on a sign. Walkers will still be able to register and raise money for your team after this date, but they will not count towards qualifying for the Team Meeting Station. As an extra incentive to recruit walkers by next Wednesday, Chipotle has generously donated the prize for our next registration competition!


The two teams that register the most walkers between today, Friday, September 29 at 5:00 p.m., and Wednesday, October 4, at NOON, will each win 100 Chipotle Burrito Bucks (good for one free burrito) for their team! Last year during this week, over 4,300 walkers registered on teams, and one team alone registered 159 walkers, so the competition promises to be fierce!

Use the Burrito Bucks to have a team celebration fiesta after the walk or give them out as “Thank You” to your donors.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Do you have $1 to save the world?

Hi there.

I am seeking supporters for myself and TEAM EVANGENITALS in the upcoming AIDS Walk Los Angeles. We are seeking sponsors, team members to walk with us, and donations to support the cause.

If you have one single shiny dollar to give, that will do. Every little bit truly does help.

Please give what you can here:

You can give to the team, myself, or any of the team walkers. Whatever fills your heart with the most glee. Just do it.

If you are in town and would like to be a part of TEAM EVANGENITALS, we would love to have you. We hope to assemble a grand team of Evangenitalized enthusiasts in the streets of West Hollywood on October 15th for the AIDS Walk. A spectacle. A phenomenon. A concert on two legs, walking down the street.

There are free t-shirts, hats, kazoos and prizes from our sponsors involved. (Some big hitters in the adult industry are rallying behind us for this one, and they've got some cool t-shirts!)

Anything you can do to help is much appreciated. Let's rock this thing.

Also, if you are are part of a business that would like to sponsor our team, we have plenty of bodies to sport t-shirts, hats, and a display table at the event as well. We are also offering links on our websites, and mention in a grand volley of press releases soon to be hitting the front pages worldwide. Bring on the sponsorship!

Juli Crockett

Friday, September 15, 2006

Do I have your number?

Do you want me to have your number?

I just got a crazy ass new phone from my employer... a Treo personal computer that I can talk through, too. It's nuts.

However, this means that I once again have to input all my phone numbers for all my various and sundry friends and beloved ones.

So here we go. Call me, email me, message me, let me know your digits, if you want me to know them.

And just to prove that I am truly fearless, I shall now post my phone number on the intra-web: 323-251-9645

Make magic happen. Reach out and touch someone.


Friday, September 08, 2006

Oh good lordy me...

I have hereby just formally entered my band, The Evangenitals, into a rock music competition at

May the Great Gods forgive my transgression.

Check it:

Stay tuned for when it's votin' time!

- J

Friday, August 25, 2006

On October 15th my band, The Evangenitals, and I will be showing up at AIDS Walk Los Angeles to walk the streets of West Hollywood and we need a TEAM!

I would like to cordially invite you to join TEAM EVANGENITALS and walk with us! We are forming a mini-army of Evangenitalized enthusiasts the take the good word to the streets on this glorious day. If you are going to be in the Los Angeles area October 15th and you'd like to become a member of TEAM EVANGENITALS and walk with us please visit our team page, here.

If you are not in the Los Angeles area, and you'd like to make a contribution to the cause, you may do so either on our team page, or on my personal page, here: Every tiny donation helps a great deal!

And I'll be straight with you.... our goal is to raise an unprecedented amount of funds for the AIDS Walk, rouse up a battalion of troops, and get a bunch of media attention for the Evangenitals, our sponsors, and the AIDS Project Los Angeles. That's the motive rundown, folks, as far as I know it. Why not? Let's shoot for the stars!

Now, how will we raise an "unprecedented" amount of money? Well, if a million people give us one shiny dollar, we will raise a million dollars! Or, if one GIANT company gives us a million dollars.... hey, there's an idea!

That's right folks. I'm targeting the business sector currently responsible for about 15% of the GNP to sponsor TEAM EVANGENITALS.... the adult industry! Heck, they got cash to spare, they like press, I work in that industry, and they are actually a very socially conscious bunch overall when you get to know 'em... why not let them prove it? We already have a few major players lined up to sponsor, and there will be many more to come! We are just getting started with this, and there is already a TON of interests from top companies in the adult industry.

FYI: The money raised by AIDS Walk Los Angeles supports the services provided by AIDS Project Los Angeles in addition to other benefiting organizations representing the entire spectrum of HIV/AIDS services. So give. Give like the river of life. Let the funds flow.

If you have any questions, suggestion, or crazy ideas about how we can raise funds and create a media typhoon please email me! We need all the help we can get to take this over the top!

Thanks for your support!

Juli Crockett

Friday, July 28, 2006

Alright now... I'm just gonna blurt this out real quick because I think that's the only way it's going to get out. And it has to get out or else I'm gonna go crazy. In fact, I think it's way too late for that. Crazy has done already gone done, and I'm okay with that. Now it's really all about the recon mission to get my god-given goodness gracious back.

What exactly is the problem? FREEDOM! That's right. Eric Fromm nailed the nail right on its nail-ness. Lord, protect me from what I want because it seems that whatever it is I could probably have it if only I opened my arms and said yes, yes, and always yes. However, maybe not. And I'm okay with that, too. The good news is I don't have to know and I never get to anyhow. Ole!

It has occurred to me, several times, usually separated by several years, and always with great and forceful intensity, that we really do, very much, get to determine the definitions of certain things, for ourselves, such as: love, god, relationships, family, faith, right, wrong, reasonable, possible, and then some and probably everything else as well.
So why then, oh land of infinite possibility and boundless becoming, why do I choose to limit myself*? (*if in fact I do choose at all, but I will of course impose SOME limits on the various philosophical espionages that I will attach in this my much overdue essay written for an audience of one) Why am I imprisoned by these small and fearful thoughts of HOW to love, how to exist in a relationship, how to be a member of a family? Why, as such a seemingly creative person in other aspects of my life, do I adopt a strange status-quid-pro-quo personae when I find myself in the midst of a romantic exchange?

In other news... what I fear is that I may be entering into a most ludicrous selfish phase. Horror of horrors! I have begun to think troublesome* thoughts. (*Troublesome, of course, only when I begin to judge them from the danger zone of future-thought and possible outcomes. In the moment these thoughts are most delightful!)

I admit, I have even begun to consider "alternative lifestyles" such as polyamory, ethical slutting, so-called open relationships, farming and other agriculture pursuits. But there it is again! Labels! Even "experimental" is a label. A limit. Where is openness?

So, I'm reading The Power of Now now, like so many other jackasses, and it is indeed working its magic on me. It feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels good. There, I admitted it. There is stillness! There it is! There is the moment! Ahhhhh....

I can't stop masturbating in every spare second I have. (Fear not, I don't have many spare seconds. My health and wellness is assured.) And usually they are all falling right before bed, whilst my quasi-temporary alleged roommate is in the shower, and I'm reading the Power of Now. Never do I feel so in the spirit of things as when in the grips of a shuddering climax. There is the Now! It is here! Now! Aye!

So, because I am sure that I have not been clear at all, what I am suggesting is that here, on the eve of the coming of my 31st birthday, I am. And what am I?

I am fresh out of a 2 year relationship, yet my much hoped for and anticipated "freedom" and "experimental phase" has been somewhat "compromised" by various new "situations" that have arisen in the life of one J. Crockett, so-called "maverick director" according to the god folks of the RedCat Theater in Los Angeles.

What could be called the biggest play of my career is about to go onto the stage next weekend, what could be called the biggest show of the Evangenitals' career recently went down at the Knitting Factory, and what could be called the greatest year of my life is about to begin, again. So, all in all, all is well! All is well!

However, or rather, not however but AND in addition to all of this, I'm feeling good, looking pretty alright, and I'm as horny as a dolphin on ecstasy.

Oh yes, and did I mention that I am now a high-powered executive in the sex toy industry, an ordained minister, working on my PhD in Philosophy, and I have been on a spiritual quest clean and clear of all drugs and alcohol for nearly 5 years. SPICE IS NICE!

I believe, in honor of 31, in addition to some serious social activism and spreading of peace on earth, it is high-time for the straight pepper diet! At least, that's how I'm feeling NOW.

(at this point, after exclaiming this, you must imagine that I rocket through the ceiling at great speed, one fist thrust in the air with a smile on my face, into the ether, to fight crimes of minimal consequence)

I am full of love.... and balderdash.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Suffice it to say I'm feeling a little o'erwhelmed as of late. Indeed, sir. I am.

Life has gone on and continued to be full, full, and deliciously full. My cup overfloweth, and I am doing my damnedest to stay grateful for the all of it all, and not to whine like a little bitch about how many gifts are bestowed upon me on a daily basis.

I am, however, a bit 'o the little bitch, and I do whine, occasionally. I apologize.

Much of this current 'bout of anxious too-muchness has to do with the fact that I have a cold. Again. It is hot as fucksocks in Los Angeles, and it seems strange plain wrong that a person could have a sniffling, wintery cold in such intense heat.

There's that, and then there is the issue of the scourge which has befallen my face.

Whilst driving in my car the other day, some 'thing' attacked my face. I didn't really think much of it at the time. It didn't really register as a sting or a pain, just a sudden realization of a bump on my face. My face.

I scratched at it absent-mindedly on the way home, and by the time I reached my bathroom mirror to investigate, I had a huge, spreading bruise on my check. Flesh eating nano-spiders was one of the first things that came to mind, shortly after the Book of Job.

Now that bruise has become a strange scab-like somethingorother. I have no idea what is going on... on my face.

I blame Bruce Sterling.

If only I had installed an RFID tag in this MARK OF THE DEVIL then it could be available for bidding on Ebay right now.

I am, firmly, in the ism-schism.

God help us all.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Word for the Day: MAVERICK

mav·er·ick Audio pronunciation of "maverick" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (mvr-k, mvrk)
  1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it.
  2. One that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group; a dissenter.

Being independent in thought and action or exhibiting such independence: maverick politicians; a maverick decision.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

tuning is a fiction

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

my brain
what i'm thinking
is turtles
all the way down
so is everything
i see

Saturday, May 27, 2006

hi there.

i'm in switzerland. i am surrounded by mountains, philosophy students, and sheep. the water is good. life is a-ok.

it takes me 24 hours to get from there (LA) to here (Saas-Fee), and that is a very long time. 2 planes, 2 trains, and one electric bus.

my first flight was from Los Angeles to London, and I got a migraine mid-flight. the first time i threw up, i was able to make it to the bathroom before i lost it. the second time, however, was more of a surprise, and i had to make use of the air-sickness bag for the first time in my life.

there is a first for everything.

this song goes out to the nice man sitting next to me on the plane that threw my baggie-o-vomit away for me, so i didn't have to do the walk of shame down the aisle myself, carrying my sack of liquid sickness.

thank you, sir. you are a true gentleman.
(mis-posted, re-posted)

there is something that i want to communicate, that i love very much, however, it's a place and a time and a visual and an experience so i wonder if i'll be able to explain it with any degree of effectiveness.

when i am walking the dog at night, wearing headphones, and i'm heading toward the 110 North Fair Oaks exit (i am walking down a dark residential street) and i find myself facing the headlights of a car waiting to exit the freeway ramp, walking into the light of the headlights, and this light is interrupted by the cars passing between that waiting car and me -- this is something i love.

it gives me a sense of distance and peace and space and ether and light.

in other news, i hit a young possum tonight.

upon telling the tragic tale to a friend of mine, he informed me that while stoned in high school, he hit a puppy. this, i agreed, was far worse than hitting a possum. not to say that a possum is any less of god's creature than a puppy. i just would have lost my fucking mind if i hit a puppy tonight.

Monday, May 01, 2006

I am tired as hell right now.. however, I wanted to check in and write some things down. Concretize some crap in digital format. What a jackass. I am certainly beyond delirious, but what the hell.

This weekend was insane. Wonderful stuff. 4 performances in 48 hours, and they all came off lovely. First was the play, then the Genitals at Highland Grounds, then the Dead Poet's Slam (I rocked the crowd will my country-fied rendering of the poetry of Edward Abbey, getting a straight Turkey (all 10's) in round two... and my team (Dead Male Poets) won in the men against women competition), then Evangina closed out the night. We tried to be just atmosphere, since it was a mighty chatty affair, however, in the middle of "Love You Forever" the room went dead silent, and we had full attention for the last two songs -- "Not Quite There" and "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" which we hadn't performed in a mighty long time. We sold 3 of the 4 albums I had on hand (I'm saving the last for Jain, who has been demanding one for a while) and we got ourselves home ASAP.

I came home and had to pack for a work-related trip to Mexico early tomorrow morning. Strategic Planning. What is the future of the sex toy biz? That is what we will be determining.

Meh... I can communicate the details, but what I'm not getting across is the feeeeeling. How wonderful it is to feel so creatively productive. Lisa and I keep talking about how we don't want this to end. Other folks give us shit for "doing too much"... but the truth is, this is how we like it. Booked to the gills, shows every night... I only wish I was jumping on a tour bus tomorrow to do it again, in another town. But the rest is good too. I love my robe, my dog, and sleep.

It never ends for long, though. Next weekend, the Evangenitals will throw down at the Fais Do Do supper club, and all will be right with the world.

There is more, so much more, I could jabber on forever trying to articulate the simplest thing. The living flow. When it rains, it pours.

Clam Lynch of "Cut the Crap with Clam" is funny as hell. You have to check him out.

Much love,

Thursday, April 27, 2006

For one showing only...

On Saturday April 29th at 1pm...
Inside the 24th Street Theater in Los Angeles...

A stage, 4 players, some puppets, a 7 piece orchestra...
And an audience full of children watching a horrific tale of love and death.

Come feel the magic of
"Orpheus Crawling"

An opera for man and puppet by Juli Crockett

Composed by Jeremy Zuckerman

Featuring Shaughn Buchholz, Christine Berry, Lisa Dee, and Christopher Goodson

Scenic Design by Melissa Ficociello
Puppets and Costumes by I-Ching

Jeremy Zuckerman, Brett Lyda, Juli Crockett - Electric Guitars, Mike Ibarra - Concert Bass, Jeff Jones - Electric Bass, Mike Starr - Drums, Paloma Uldrova - Violin

The show is just $5. Limited seating, so please RSVP.

The 24th Street Theater is located at:
1117 West 24th Street
Los Angeles, CA 90007
213 745 6516

See you on the other side.

- Juli

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I am the lagging blogger. Lisa and Brettsy have both updated their blogs, and I, alas, have not. I've been busy. I'm in rehearsal every night. The play is coming together, the Evangenitals are about to throw down the best show yet, the new EP is taking shape, I'm memorizing poetry for the Dead Poet's Slam on Sunday night, and Evangina is going to step into the warm glow for a night of girl-music post-Slam. It's going to be one hell of a weekend.

My boyfriend and I broke up on Friday night. That's okay. Don't be sad. It's for the best. The situation shows every indication of being utterly civil, and actually kind of wonderful. We're staying friends. Hell, we're still living together, at least for a while. We have our child (read: dog) to think of. Actually, I think there's a good chance we may even "date". The bottom line is, I'm a busy girl, and I'm in love with my life (read: artistic pursuits) and I want to be AVAILABLE to it. In other words, I'm not a very good girlfriend right now. So be it. I am, however, a very good friend.

I may be out of line making such bold statements, but I truly feel the Genitals are approaching the proverbial tippinig point. I feel so much love coming from people... the buzz is intense. Our rehearsal are getting SERIOUS... not in the solemn, moody sense, but in the sense that we are pushing ourselves. Moving beyond the comfortable into new terrain. We are expanding and growing. We've got a new drummer, Salad is back on board and shining with that proud papa glow. It feels good.

It is my great hope that folks turn out in droves for the Highland Grounds gig. I think it's going to be a historical moment. Some very important demarcation of something. A line drawn in the sand, which announces, from this point forward.... or, simply, WE ARE HERE.

After this, everything is different. We've never been here before, and I'll be a whole different person tomorrow. Nice knowing you! I'll meet you again. Ever-changing. Ever-rebirthing. Ever-wonderous. Something like that.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Ahhh... LIFE!

Full to bursting. Ain't it grand?

My horoscope keeps telling me to make time for my sweetheart, yet I cannot! LIFE! FULL TO BURSTING!

When I am awoken in the middle of the night, I am one of the angriest people on earth. It is surprising even to myself. First response, RAGE! My dentist tells me that I grind my teeth. I wake up sore from tensed muscles. Aching shoulders pulled up into my ears, fists clenched, and the first sound I hear is that SCRAPE of my teeth separating, on a sideward slide. This is my restful state.

What is going on in that unconscious time? Why so tense and angry? My dreams do not seem to provide too much insight into the underlying causes of my absolute irritability. My answers lay elsewhere, these days.

I haven't been meditating. That is a great cause of tension and buzzing static brain syndrom. There is nothing worse that the impotent buzzing of a brain on the fuzz. Alright, that's an overstatement. That Holocaust was worse than me having unproductive brain activity. I retract my previous statement.

Ahh.... the Holocaust! That eternal trump card! #1 on the most ungrateful bitches gratitude list. This is not that. I am not there. All is relatively well.

I will shut my mouth and thank God for the life I have. Two sharp floggings with the horse-hair whip, walk a mile on my knees, and all is forgiven. Amen.

Friday, March 24, 2006

I haven't been writing.

Lack of writing leads to physical pain in my body.

My throat gets dry and scratchy with unexpressed speeches. My upper back gets sore, non-utterances building up in my chest cavity. My stomach aches, my skin breaks out, I get irritable, I'm tired all the time, I gain weight. It's a fucking nightmare.

And why am I not writing? Because I'm tired, I'm busy, my throat hurts, my skin is breaking out, I have a stomach ache, wha wha wha. Catch-22.

My boyfriend asked me yesterday if it is possible to become stupider. I said, "Yes, and it is happening to MEEEEEEEE!"

Before my boyfriend "happened" I didn't have cable television, I read more books, I spent more time with my band, I went hiking and did pilates.

Before my stint in the sex industry turned into a "real job" I used to wander in and out on my own freakish schedule.

It's easy to blame anything other than myself for my shortcomings. What I'm not doing. Wow, it feels weird to whine. Kinda good, and seriously pathetic. I dig it.

Why am I not writing? Well, I work full time, I'm in this band, I'm directing this play that I wrote (back when I used to write) and I have this dog and this boyfriend and I just moved into an apartment and I'm having this viewing party for the Sierra Club tonight and I'm a Jack of All Trades and a Master of None and I need new tires for my car and I've still got another load of shit to bring over from the old house to the new apartment and I haven't unloaded my trunk from the last haul and it has been a week of lugging a trunk full of stuff around. I bet that's wasting gas. Did I mention I'm behind on homework? Got to get ready to go back to Switzerland this summer and study with Jean Baudrillard, that nostalgic old poot. God bless his cold, hard stare.

I wanted to quit my job the sex toy company the other day, so I could stay home and read and write all day. Not realistic. I've got bills! After all, money doesn't grow on trees.

I am unwilling. Unwilling to "cut down" and "focus"... I just can't do it. ADHD? Not at all. The Void! Lack! Desire's drive to explode into infinity! More! More!

I miss this. I miss the sound of my mind translated into clicks and clacks and words in front of my eyes. I miss the fearlessness and lack of editing.

I miss you. All of you.

Welcome back, Crockett.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Call for Musicians:

Juli Crockett (libretto/direction) and Jeremy Zuckerman (composer) are seeking a group of talented, committed musicians for a workshop production of a new experimental opera “Orpheus Crawling” which will be showing at the 24th Street Theater on April 29th.

Open seats: violin 1, violin 2, viola, cello, harp, drums, keyboards. If you are passionate about being involved and play an instrument other than the aforementioned, please feel free to contact us and let us know about you and your instrument.

Ideal Skills: should be familiar with traditional and extended playing techniques. must be able to read standard notation. Performers must be open-minded and willing to commit to 2-3 rehearsals a week for the month of April.
This will not be a traditional ensemble -- think Sigur Ros, Sonic Youth, Beth Gibbons, Mort Subotnick, Trevor Wishart, Gorecki, Pink Floyd, Ween and Brian Eno. (If you can think all of those at the same time, you’re probably the right player for us!)

If interested, please email your resume and an introduction to Jeremy Zuckerman ( or Juli Crockett ( We will provide you with more information and set up an audition.

About Us:

Jeremy Zuckerman – Bio
Jeremy grew up in the rural New York town of Slate Hill, where his musical leanings surfaced early. Like many kids, his first instrument was piano--he began taking lessons at age 5. Guitar and cello followed, and in his early teens, rock guitar (with the long hair and metal t-shirts to match) became his main focus.

After high school, Jeremy packed his guitars (including one hand-made by a friend and affectionately referred to as "Zarf"), and left for the Berklee College of Music in Boston. At Berklee, he was introduced to the new compositional possibilities of music technology and sonic art through his professor, Richard Boulanger. Widening his scope beyond traditional instruments, Jeremy earned a BFA in music with an emphasis in Production and Engineering and Synthesis.

After graduating from Berklee, Jeremy once again packed his guitars, along with a burgeoning collection of electronic equipment, and headed West, to Southern California, where he received an MFA in Composition/New Media from the California Institute of the Arts. At CalArts he studied composition privately with Morton Subotnick and Mark Trayle.

Jeremy and fellow Track Team founder Ben Wynn , compose the music and sound design for Nickelodeon's hit animated series, Avatar, the Last Airbender. Jeremy's compositions and sound design have been used in dance, theater, film, television, installations and many award-winning commercials. Other projects include instrumental, programming and production work for David Lee Roth, Cellophane Babies, Mileece, cSounds and Endless Noise. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, two cats and a formerly stray dog.

Juli Crockett – Bio

Juli's life and career of provides certain proof that, in creative matters, the shortest distance between two points isn't necessarily a straight line, but that the crooked one is fascinating.

Alabama-born with a Canadian mother, raised through her teenage years in Central Florida, Juli attended the Pinellas County Center for the Arts. She transplanted briefly for her junior year in Bermuda and was featured in performances at the Bermuda Musical and Dramatic Society. Juli moved to New York to continue her studies where she earned a BFA in theater at NYU's Tisch School.

While in New York, Juli directed several plays, including Brecht's Jungle of Cities at the Red Room and adaptations of the radio drama The Shadow and Dylan Thomas' Doctor in the Devils at Tisch. After a short stop in Guatemala where Juli did voluntary theater workshops at a rural public school, she moved to Los Angeles to pursue an MFA in Directing at California Institute of the Arts. At CalArts, her production of Strindberg's Easter was called "transportational" by Butoh master Dawn Saito, and her thesis project [or, the whale], an adaptation of Melville's Moby Dick, written and directed by Juli, was a landmark production at the school.

The text of [or, the whale] was later presented in the Moby Dick 2001 conference at Hofstra University, and was also used as the foundation for the inaugural production of the TENT performance group in Portland, Maine.

Simultaneous with her entry into Graduate school, Juli began competing as an amateur boxer, winning the Los Angeles District title two years in a row, followed by the Blue & Gold National title. After graduation, she turned pro, enjoying a short but impressive undefeated boxing career of 3-0, two KOs in the 135 lb. lightweight division. In 2003, after an injury during training, she reluctantly retired from boxing and started a county-funk-folk band, The Evangenitals, for which she is lead vocalist and principal songwriter.

Today Juli’s exhaustive performing schedule is interwoven with her equally passionate attention to ongoing vocations as playwright and stage director; she continues her education pursuing an advanced degree in philosophy; and at the same time she earns her living as a webmaster within one of the world's largest independent distributors of sex toys and related erotic paraphernalia.

Juli's last work, The Dawn of Quixote: Chapter the First, inspired by the writings of philosopher Unamuno y Jugo, has been featured two years in a row in Los Angeles' cutting edge theater festival "Edgefest" and was the grand opener for the Explorer Series at the 24th Street Theater in Los Angeles.

Juli’s writing is the central theme of her varied interests. The band keeps her creating continuously, many of the lyrics derived from her poetry and stories. She is a columnist for several online e-zines and her writings have been republished in various print magazines. Currently, Juli is working on a collection of short stories, a screenplay based on the Book of Job, the outline of a novel, and theatrical adaptations of Kierkegaard’s Either/Or, the Fausts, the Orpheus myth, and the life and sufferings of Saint Simone Weil.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Here we go!

I'm gettin' all activist, and you're invited!

With the help of the Sierra Club, I'm throwing a viewing party on Friday, March 24th at 8pm, offering up my abode and my boyfriend's 42 inch plasma television to screen some short documentary films about Exxon and ye olde Valdez oil spill that they've yet to pay the tab for.

I hope you can join me -- it's a fun way to make a difference.

Not sure yet if you can come? Go ahead and click on the link below and choose "maybe" on the RSVP page. That will help me with planning, while you check your schedule.
Also, if you're interested in lending a hand planning this event, I could use all the help I can get!

For more details about this invitation and to RSVP online, go to:

Come on down! It's a great way to fight the good fight, and this night can serve as a quasi-housewarming for my new apartment at the same time.


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hey guys.

I can't make it to this show tonight, but it sounds absolutely awesome
so I thought I'd tip of the rest of y'all --

The man's name is Phillip Roebuck, and he's a ONE MAN BAND. Aww yeah!
And he's playing tonight at Pennylane Records in Pasadena FOR FREE.

I love it.

Represent, represent.

Here's a link to his Myspace page:

Spread the love.

Support the man with a drum on his back.


Friday, January 20, 2006

Sunday, January 15, 2006


Tenacious D just threw me a fansign. Somebody pinch me.

That's right. I'm braggin'...


That's my Evangenital guitarist Brettsky hookin' it up with his girl. God bless this land. I love LA.

There will be sweet dreams tonight!